South Beach Love

It’s 50ish degrees outside. I have a blanket on. I have a sweet and spicy tea. I am ready for a FALL movie.

Our lead, Sarah is working in a food truck, which she owns. Spoiler alert: It has a truly horrible name-Munch. Everyone is in the cutest fall sweaters. The leaves are all of these beautiful colors. Oh wait. NO. This is South Beach Love and Hallmark isn’t even trying to make it seem like fall. Sarah has committed to catering her niece’s quinceañera. They had to change the day but I’m not sure why.

Our other lead, Tony, is also getting booked for a quinceañera for his niece. He looks sadly out the window (where it is raining because of course) while on the phone. Something happened with “Anna.”

That night, Sarah learns she’s cooking for 150 people. And Lola’s grandma gives her some recipes to try. FUN! I bet Sarah loves the idea of practicing new recipes for her largest catering endeavor. They reminisce about Lola’s mom’s (Delores) quince. And then Lola says that her friend Theresa is mad because her party is the night before hers. I missed why the date is changed. And Tony is coming back for it. There is some HISTORY there.

Sarah heads into Lola’s room and has a heart to heart about…who knows what. I don’t remember. And offers to buy Lola her dream dress for her party.

Tony arrives to his…sister’s (Maria) house? Maria is Theresa’s mother btw. And she doesn’t seem phased about Lola and Theresa’s quince on the same weekend. She seems really happy and friendly.

Tony and his family have a lovely dinner. Then they ask why he hasn’t been home in two years. Are they eating in a bathroom? The echo is insane. Maria says she submitted Theresa’s quince to a magazine so Tony has to cater it.

The next day, Sarah wears the most absurd child’s bike helmet while she rides her oversized child’s bike around. Meanwhile, Tony chats with his parents. And if Tony’s mom keeps hugging him, he’s going to leave before he even has a meet cute with Sarah. Tony takes his dad’s old car to stroll around the “old neighborhood.” Sarah leisurely strolls the farmers market, sniffing everything. Her notebook is IDENTICAL to her dress. WHAT. Then of course she knocks down all the fruit when she notices Tony. So then he rushes over to help her and it’s a super awkward run in. Tony asks her to catch up. She agrees to a walk. Sarah walks her oversized children’s bike as they talk about their old relationship. Apparently they wanted to open a restaurant together but Tony became a big shot. Then they realize they both are catering their nieces’ quinces. Guys. Like so in their early twenties, they were dating and then trying to go into business together? And they had money to do this? And why would they do this as just dating?

Back at the food truck, we get more of the back story. They were both up for a spot at a prestigious culinary school but neither got in. So, instead they BOUGHT a food truck. And THEN Tony found out he got in and bailed on the food truck. Oh this is insanity. Like did she buy him out? Or like what were the details of this? Her friend Kevin encourages her to submit herself for the magazine about quince food.

Tony cooks with his niece and mom back at the house. Matt and Tony finally catch up. Tony wants to eat at Sarah’s place for lunch. He tells his family he apologized so they are all good. Yeah right.

Tony heads to the food truck and I realize it’s called “Munch.” Terrible. Matt tells Tony that Sarah wants to open a new location in South Beach. Tony asks to breakfast the next day. Dang, Tony doesn’t play. Then later, (how much later I don’t know. Time doesn’t seem to be linear in this movie) he discovers that his niece is going to be at the same place as Sarah and her niece the next day (or again, later that same day?). So Tony becomes super helpful and offers to drive or pick whoever up. I don’t know.

The next morning, the girls are all at the dress shop picking up Lola’s dream dress. Apparently all the girls are doing emerald dresses this year. Then Tony shows up and AGAIN, HE. DOESN’T. PLAY. He invites her to dinner. Then Theresa shows up and is mad that Lola picked the same color dress. There is a terse moment with everyone. And then poor Lola decides to get a different color dress.

Oh and now both parties will be in South Florida Quince Style or whatever the magazine is called.

Back at Tony’s house, they do some menu sampling. Then Sarah texts him and asks to talk. He again asks her to dinner. She’s like, is he asking me out? Like what have you been thinking he’s doing the the last 3 times you guys have run into each other? Like every time he talks to her he’s asking her out.

Okay so they meet at the restaurant even though his text said he’d pick her up. Also they are dressed so fancy. Everyone is always so fancy on dates in these movies. A guy comes by and gives them a drink on the house. Tony asks him to sit and hang out for a minute. He tells them he’s selling the restaurant. So this must be Ernesto.

Okay WHAT TIME OF DAY IS IT. They start walking and talking and it’s still light outside. Didn’t they have dinner? And that’s when Sarah finally tells Tony she will be in the magazine too. He’s like cool! Don’t care. Then he tells her that he and his girlfriend broke up. That was what the sad rainy window scene was about earlier.

Alright now what day or time is it? I think it’s the next morning. The lighting is WILD. OMG. Okay so the photo shoot is TOMORROW for this magazine. And now it’s a competition to see who will be on the cover. Yep. That all adds up.

That same day? The chefs are getting organized for the party. Sarah walks up to Tony with her child’s bike. Sarah gives him some unsolicited advice about delegating. They are at her house and she invites him in. They talk about how ridiculous this magazine is. AGREED. She asks him to try her food and for some reason she feeds him. We all feel so uncomfortable. Tony is not impressed and suggests adding something. He wants to add something spicy and then says they should add something sweet too. She suggests MINT. Is she just a terrible chef? Mint? With spicy peppers? And then he suggests they make some Cuban Irish fusion food like they planned to when they were going to have their own restaurant. So we get a little cooking montage.

By that time, it’s finally night for the first time in the movie. They just dive right into the Cuban pot pie. They call it shepard’s pie but it’s a regular pie crust. Oh wait, no it’s not night. The indoor lighting is just cray. And they both think the mint works. I DISAGREE. He then invites her to go dancing with his family that night.

WOW Sarah’s little (and I mean LITTLE) dancing dress. Sarah runs into Maria. Maria wonders how Delores is doing. She doesn’t know why Delores is upset with her. How about because her daughter is a jerk to Delores’s daughter? Anyway, it seems like Maria is going to call her. Then this family gets to dancing. Sarah and Tony sit down and order a drink. He asks why she’s still single. Then they hold hands!

They chat about the good old days in the car on the way home. They talked about their split too. It’s boring. Their whole deal doesn’t make any sense to me but then again, that’s fake Hallmark exes for you.

Sarah invites him in to see the disaster that is Lola’s choreographed dance situation. Tony steps in and offers to help. WHOA. After the dancing he walks her to her door or she walks him to his door or something and THEY KISS. OMG

The next day is the photo shoot. It seems like Maria and Delores are trying to make amends? The chefs do some interviews. They’re in their little chef outfits.

Now it’s photoshoot time. The girls are wearing totally different dresses (not the ones they picked for their party) and they are having fun doing this all together. I’m not sure why the chefs had to be in the photoshoots and why they had to make their own food for this photo shoot. After the photo shoot, the two girls have a good chat. The chefs have a good chat too. Tony tries to get Sarah to go out with him again but she has to work. Like seriously, at every turn. Did he just see her again and was immediately like, okay I want to get back together after not giving this girl a second thought for ten years? Because like I said, HE DOES NOT PLAY. At the food truck, Kevin encourages Sarah to put in an offer for Ernestos.

Kevin calls her AGAIN in the morning and suggests it again. He is up and at it and Sarah was dead asleep. Somehow this regional magazine has a booming web presence and they are advertising the competition between the two cover options. And trying to get the reader to vote on who they like best. And they each said rude stuff about each other apparently? DRAMA. But the magazine misquoted both of them.

Sarah tells Delores she made an offer on Ernestos. It seems she hasn’t really thought through the financing side of the bid. She was like, I just hope the bank will offer me a low rate because I did not double check before submitting my offer. Then Tony comes by to talk about the stupid website. Sarah gives a weird random speech about women in the food industry and Tony is like wait what do I have to do with your ability to finance a restaurant? And then all of a sudden they’re talking about trying to get back together and Sarah is like, no I’m too hurt from last time so no. So that was ALOT.

Lola calls Theresa and they talk about Sarah and Tony and their moms being friends again. They decide to end the family feud. Well GOOD FOR THESE GIRLS.

Tony has a heart to heart with his mom about Sarah. I stopped paying attention during his mom’s speech. It doesn’t matter. Tony does some taste testing at Ernestos. He tells him he wants to make an offer on Ernestos. Ernesto tells Tony that Sarah made an offer. Okay he shouldn’t have told him that and what difference does it make? Shouldn’t he be taking all the offers?

So Ernesto tells him that someone obviously outbid her. So he outbid that person. And then he pitches that they could do it together. She’s like, I haven’t seen you in 10 years and now you want to run a business together? That’s fair. Also he should have talked to her about it.

It’s quince day and the venue calls Matt and says there was a fire in the kitchen so they have to cancel. Oh WAS THERE? Wait, no Lola didn’t try and trick her family. Then Theresa suggests they have a joint quince! That’s what I’m thinking. After a lot of discussion, they all finally agree to it.

It’s quince rehearsal time. Delores says thank you to Maria and she dismissively says “it’s for Lola.” Maria is no nonsense at the rehearsal. The girls ask to practice their speeches and talk about how great their moms were and how much they loved being such close friends. And now they’ve prepared a slide show of them as little girls. It is very moving to the moms. The moms have a heart to heart. Oh and then Delores says she wanted to buy Maria’s house but Maria took a better offer. So she was hurt about that. Maria was like oh it was just business. I wanted more money. But then Maria offers to find them a great house. I mean, like we can all dream right? I don’t know. That’s weird. Then Sarah delivers the blow that the magazine was only into the dueling chef angle of the quince. Because that makes sense.

The night of the big quince, the chefs are working together. Good old Kevin makes the chefs quit for the night so they can enjoy the party. The girls looked so pretty in their dresses! Holy cow how expensive was this party. Then the girls do their dance and it isn’t completely humiliating. And of course now the chefs have to make a speech….as is tradition at a quince.

Sarah and Tony talk after the party? Or during? Who knows. Who cares. She says she might have been too hasty about that restaurant business. He’s like luckily I only asked you this morning and have been too busy to ask anyone else. They agree on a split. 70/30but who’s paying what? Anyway then they kiss. 6 months later, Cubish opens. I love when people start a new business venture and a dating relationship at the same time! I bet that will work out so well!!

So guys. I hated this movie. It was edited so weirdly and it was just alot of Hallmark nonsense. I think it had potential, as they all do. But it was just not it for ol Cal. But again, I JUST WANT TO SEE PEOPLE STROLL THROUGH A PUMPKIN PATCH WITH A PSL. JUST ONE SCENE. Put a vest on one of these ladies. Some boots. A plaid scarf. A fall wreath on the door. AM I ASKING FOR TOO MUCH?!!! Anyway, what did you think?

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