Snowkissed

So, I’ve been really curious about this movie. The plot description says that the lead, Kate UNWILLINGLY helps a B&B owner become a tour guide. Now, I was also concerned that our leading man would be forgoing B&B ownership to focus full time on guiding tours because that does not seem to be a financially sound decision. But is it really a Hallmark movie if a lead doesn’t forgo a good paying job with benefits to focus on low paying creative endeavors? No, it really isn’t. Luckily, my assumptions about this movie were wrong. But that doesn’t mean this movie is without its VERY SILLY moments. Let’s get to it.

Our lead Kate is just a busy no nonsense, bagel eating NEW YORK BUSINESS LADY. Her boss calls and wants her to come in. Then she feeds some fish living in a bowl of very cloudy water. She and her pal Jane are also forced to deal with a very gruff bagel food truck owner who really doesn’t have time for any pleasantries. NEW YORK, amirite?

At work, her boss tells her she needs to go to Banff to interview a famous author named Owen. Kate panics. And I mean PANICS. But she could get a STAFF position at wherever she works. WOW. HIGH STAKES. She does not like to leave Manhattan. Actually, excuse me. What I meant to say was that she DOES NOT leave Manhattan. It’s not that she doesn’t like it. It’s that she refuses to leave. So it does sound like maybe “unwilling” was the correct word because she seems really freaked about traveling and does not want to go.

Meanwhile, in Banff, Noah talks to his friend and coworker Simon? They are working on writing something. Then Kate and Jane arrive at the airport. Kate totally panics again because she thinks she lost her passport. Did I say panic? I mean FULL MELTDOWN. It was in her pocket. Yikes. She goes to a coffee cart and gets in line behind Noah. Boy is she a robot or what? It honestly sounds like she has literally never had a conversation before. Guys, I think this is supposed to be funny. I love funny. My favorite Hallmark movies are the funny ones. At this point in the movie, I find the Kate character to be downright insufferable. Probably the same way I find Sheldon from “The Big Bang Theory” insufferable. Anyway, let’s continue.

Noah turns around and starts holding up a sign with her name on it. So SURPRISE. Kate panics MORE THAN SHE HAS YET on the drive to Banff. I think because the road is bumpy and she’s never been in a car? I HAVE NO IDEA. They stop at a lovely burger restaurant for lunch. Obviously Kate eats her burger with a knife and fork. Noah tells the girls that he and Simon run a small B&B in town. He gives Kate the background of how he came to own the B&B. It’s boring. But he’s decided to also offer tours! So, good luck. I must say I’m relieved that they are just going to add this service on to the B&B and not switch to guiding tours full time. Noah asks Kate what the book “The Answer” is about. The author of that book is who Kate is interviewing. KEEP UP. Also, who cares. It’s pretend.

The gang arrives at the B&B. It is obviously gorgeous. Simon seems to be a robot also. But Simon and Jane have an instant connection. I mean, as much of a connection as you can have with a robot. The girls are lead up to a loft situation but there are two twin beds. It’s a very cute set up but why the twin beds? There is definitely room for two queens up there. Okay Kate has probably the WORST personality of any Hallmark lead ever. Again, I think she’s supposed to be comically tightly wound but I’m just not feeling it.

Then Kate gets a notification that Owen is cancelling. So she just wants to leave! I can’t understand if she is just set in her ways or likes to be at home or what? Because she doesn’t seem concerned about flying when it’s to head back to New York. So I’m not sure what is happening. Just to recap- instead of trying to push to get the interview after travelling all that way she just wants to leave. But luckily, it turns out that Noah and Simon know Owen so Noah calls him and he agrees to move forward with the interview later that week. This is very silly. But now we get to why we had to go through that whole song and dance. To “repay” the boys for calling someone and urging them to keep his commitments, the girls agree to help them do a dry run of their three day adventure tour. Kate is definitely RELUCTANT to participate. I wouldn’t say “unwilling” but she definitely doesn’t want to do any of this. No one really knows why.

First up is a gondola ride. Kate is definitely unwilling to do the gondola so they all skip it which is really unfortunate for LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE. So they move on to the next stop on the tour. They go to a famous hotel. Noah reads off a script and can’t pronounce “Chateau.” GUYS.

Kate continues to be SO HORRIBLE. But she does give Noah good notes about giving tours. They walk into a ballroom where a woman is playing the violin. Simon and Jane are hitting it off. But foolishly, Jane refuses a mint when Simon offers. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS ACCEPT A MINT IF SOMEONE OFFERS.

Later, they all enjoy some hot chocolate but Noah burns his mouth. Then Simon asks Jane to play chess. Later the boys chop some wood for…no reason? Noah is frustrated by all the notes Kate gave him that day. Where are they that night? Are they not staying at the B&B? Noah awkwardly asks Kate for help rewriting his tour script. Kate thinks being a writer qualifies her to cure Noah of his fear of public speaking.

Kate tries an innovative method for helping Noah practice his speech. It fails.

Later, the girls catch up. WHERE ARE THEY.

The next day, the team goes on a pretty serious hike. Kate continues to panic. Simon and Jane are still hitting it off. Noah gives a great presentation but Kate happens to know the actual story and corrects Noah’s facts. Okay that night they are definitely back at the B&B. She goes down to the kitchen and runs into Noah. He offers to make them hot chocolate. Then they go outside and chat by their firepit. WHAT TIME IS IT. Her cute topknot has become a bit disheveled. Noah tells her that he kind of struggles with “imposter syndrome.” Anyway they’re having a lovely time. They decide they’re freezing their buns off and head back inside. This is now a third bun. The first one was lovely. These second two haven’t been great.

Kate grabs his script to rework it and promises not to be intense the next day. So that fails because she ends up staying up all night working on the script. And then she is up and at ’em the next morning. She’s reworked his whole presentation. She accidentally reveals that she thinks he’s charming. So, that’s something.

Then they head out to do some snow shoeing. Kate panics again. Jane gives her a pep talk. At this point, my husband wonders if we are ever going to like Kate? I don’t think so. Then the gang walks on a flat, basically non-snow trail. WHERE YOU WOULDN’T NEED SNOW SHOES. Jane steals Simon away to go on a high trail. Jane takes a “selfie” with Simon but that camera lens is so gigantic it must have only gotten the pores near their noses. Noah and Kate make it to the top of whatever. WHY ISN’T NOAH WEARING A HAT. They have a nice moment at the top of the hill.

That night, the four of them sit around the firepit and rehash the day. Simon heads to bed early. Jane seems a little perturbed that Simon is calling it a night. Jane is like, HOW DOES SIMON NOT KNOW I LIKE HIM. But remember, Simon is not a human. So Jane hatches an elaborate plan to get Simon to notice her. Noah and Kate are on it the next morning. They head to a cute indoor marketplace. Seems like it’s all samples and Noah keeps going back to the wine station to top off his glass with more free samples. I’m not sure they’ve bought anything. And obviously Noah knows everyone in town. Kate wonders if Banff is like that bar on Cheers.

Back at the B&B, Simon and Jane play chess. This stupid professor keeps changing the meeting time on them. They have to Meet RIGHT NOW which messes up Jane’s elaborate plans for Simon.

They finally arrive and meet Owen and his wife Nora. Owen announces that he’s totally abandoned the theory from his book two years ago. Probably could have mentioned that before she travelled to Banff. Also, why are they interviewing an author about an old book he wrote? Owen says he met Nora and that changed his whole perspective. So that was all a bust. Seriously, what a gigantic waste of time. Why couldn’t he say all that on the phone? He demanded they fly to him and then is like, I hope you don’t want to talk about that old book of mine. SERIOUSLY what a waste. Kate wonders what she is going to write about now. SAME.

Meanwhile, Simon is just NOT cooperating for Jane. Poor Simon left without a jacket. They arrive at the public market and there is a cute table set up for them. Kate is trying to do some work at the B&B. Noah as an idea to help! He takes her to one of his favorite places. They chit chat about their hopes and dreams or something.

Poor Jane. Simon is just chit chatting with the chocolatier. Totally oblivious to what Jane is up to. Kate and Noah have ANOTHER heart to heart at the firepit. Kate says that Noah CHANGED EVERYTHING.

Finally, Jane has had enough. She shares her feelings with Simon. He says thank you and hands her a candy. She tops off her wine glass. So that’s not going well.

Noah tells Kate that she makes him smile. BUT HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE.

Kate still has nothing to write for her article so she he says goodnight to Noah. I must have missed something while I was looking up hotels in Banff because they seem to be exchanging awkward looks. Later, Kate and Jane rehash the disaster of an evening with Simon. Then the conversation devolves into teen girl chat. I swear I heard Kate say “as if.”

The next morning, Kate asks Noah to go somewhere with her that day. Jane sets a bear trap for Simon in the living room.

So Kate takes Noah to try the gondola she was afraid of earlier! So they ride the gondola together. It’s one of those lovely all enclosed ones. Did Noah just say “glace -e-er? NOAH WHAT. Anyway, Kate is still panicking about the heights. But she is very proud of herself for going up the gondola. Then THEY KISS. My dad says, “Be still my heart.” These winter movies are SO EDGY. And then of course her editor, who hasn’t cared about her all week, calls twice in a row. Her editor LOVES the article. She got the “STAFF JOB.” Noah says, “that’s HUGE.” But honestly, is it? This poor woman is in her mid thirties and she’s happy to be a “staff writer.” KATE.

At the B&B, Jane looks at pics of her and Simon on her phone. Simon brings her downstairs. The room is full of flowers. She takes his hand and is so touched by this gesture. Now they’re sitting with Simon’s arm around her!! Wow. And then Jane and Simon KISS.

So the next morning, the girls get ready to leave. Simon and Jane are going to “figure things out.” Kate and Noah haven’t talked about ANYTHING. Kate does tell Noah she’s going to miss him. Oof. Guys. Then Noah says TAKE CARE. COME ON. Kate is tearing up but GEEZ LOUISE.

Back in Manhattan, Kate just walks on past the bagel truck. Doesn’t stop or anything!! Later Kate is just zoned out in her GIANT new office wearing gigantic statement jewelry like her boss. She looks at the article she wrote in the printed magazine.

Back in Banff, Noah talks to new guests at the B&B. The new guests are VERY impressed with the tour so far. The guests are ready to invest or send lots of business their way. Jane texts Simon a pic of Kate’s article. It makes Noah sad.

In New York, random people just bump right into Kate and are so rude. Kate is just a big grump about all of it. She HATES New York now. OMG they didn’t try PIZZA in Banff. Also WHAT IS THAT APARTMENT. How could she afford that? Oh, never mind.

So anyway, Kate decides to go back to Banff to see Noah. It looks like there is a big party or a big bustle of people at the B&B. Is it even big enough? She thinks she sees Noah outside but it’s Simon. Then Noah shows up with his duffle bag. Kate tries to give her little speech. She quit her job! Oh, no she can work remotely. And duh he was going to New York. He even has a hard printed ticket. And then they kiss! BUT WHAT ABOUT SIMON AND JANE. Why didn’t she come along? What is happening with them? WE NEVER FIND OUT.

So this was fine. Honestly, you get the winter feels. You get beautiful shots of Banff I am assuming. Whatever. It was silly as usual and I didn’t hate it. I am not sure where it ranks in this series. Also, is this the last one? Did we do it? Are we on to Valentine’s Day? YAY!

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