Two for the Win

So, this weekend’s movie featured my favorite blonde adult male. He was joined by another “blonde” person. Now, I want to provide a disclosure for some of my jokes. I never want to be mean towards the actors personally or to just “hate” on a movie. There have been a few times where the acting has merited the jokes or “hate”, but that was when Hallmark cast a person who was more famous for other creative pursuits and that person should have perhaps stayed in their lane. Anyway, one of the biggest problems for me in this movie was that the people in charge of Charlotte’s hair must have hated her. Her hair looked terrible. It was two different shades of bleach blonde and her very dark roots were visible. It is not the right blonde for her skin tone, particularly when she is standing in and around snow for 90% of this movie. And it was such a distraction that I kept mentioning it. I say all this as a person who has been dying their hair blonde for at least 20 years. I also attempted to maintain a platinum color for a few years. My skin tone is a few shades darker than a ghost so it didn’t work for me either. So, now with that settled, let’s get on with the movie.

Our favorite blondie blonde head, Justin, is watching himself walk the red carpet on TV. Guys, he is watching a red carpet for an award’s show from THREE YEARS AGO. His hair is much more golden for this movie, which I do think is a little better. It is not a natural blonde color though, let’s just get that out there. Then, his manager Anna comes barging in to tell him that NEILS QUIT. Also he is actively icing his knee. Regardless, he is READY to go. He’s been out for a year, but now it’s time to race in “the classic.” Doesn’t matter that he’s seemingly icing his knee for the sake of icing it. So let’s all get ready. Justin asks if he can include an extra checked bag for hair dye.

Justin and Anna arrive “home.” “The Classic” is held in his home town. He heads to see his parents, who must work at the ski resort. No, they don’t own a ski lodge do they? Well, well well. He and his parents are…quite cordial with each other. They haven’t seen him since “Austria.” BUT WE DON’T TALK ABOUT THAT MOM. Then his dad mixes some metaphors about “getting back out there” and it’s time for hot chocolate.

Justin wears a lovely oatmeal sweater. And then Anna, stops by to chat. Right in the middle of the discussion about finding a new coach, Justin weirdly asks his mom about “the auction.” Like they are literally in the middle of talking about finding a coach and then Justin asks about this auction. This brings up an old flame or friend or something. And then, Justin abruptly decides to go to one ski run.

At the top of the mountain, Justin surveys the land. And then definitely Trevor Donovan starts to head down. He runs into Kayla, his old pal or something. And then this poor woman asks if she can borrow some of Justin’s hair dye because she needs a serious root touch up. Seriously, just let this poor woman be her natural color! Or at least a more natural blonde color. Anyway, she is “blonde” and they catch up about whether he is still with Neils and whether he skis just for the notoriety or whatever. Great chat!

Later, Justin hobbles back to the lodge. Kayla is there too. Then some young buck, Hunter, is giving an interview and sees Justin and makes him feel SO OLD. This little pup is like, dang Justin and your hair is still blonde! Wow. Impressive for such an elderly skier. Kayla tries to encourage him when the reporter couldn’t care less about him.

Kayla chats with her sister Jenny about her run in with Justin on the slopes and what not. Jenny is like how are you not SO MAD AT HIM for whatever he did that one time. Kayla is just perfectly fine and not upset whatsoever.

Later, Justin and his parents stroll around the property? And then they run into Wyatt, who is presumably a fourth year med student that works at the ski lodge during the day an studies at night? So, no that’s not how it works. Then Justin catches up more with Wyatt. He’s like, why didn’t you go to our small local hospital for your rehab when you had access to the best rehab facility in the world?

The next day, people are just shredding the powder. Kayla and Anna critique old blondie’s form. Kayla just can’t stop herself from coaching. Anna is so pleased. KAYLA SHOULD DEFINITELY COACH HIM RIGHT? And also her dad was a good coach. Kayla is interested as long as she can have access to the same person who dyed Justin’s hair blonde.

Later, Kayla teaches some children and Justin wonders whether she is actually going to coach him. She basically wants him to start from square one, which means the “bunny hill” with her entry level students. So this makes sense. His little bro-ham sees him and is so inspired. So Justin pizza slices his way down the hill.

Later, Anna talks to someone about something important for Justin. I think she’s trying to keep his sponsorships. Justin complains that he stayed on the bunny hill the whole time that day. That night, Kayla and her sister Jenny laugh about the day together. Guys, I can’t even make jokes about Kayla touching up her roots because she IS NOT. Ugh these people did her so dirty. It’s not right.

The next morning, Justin, clearly hogging all the hair dye for himself, gets pretty uppity with Kayla. She makes him do yoga. ON HIS BAD KNEE THAT’S NOT BAD ANYMORE. He cannot. Cannot stand on one leg. How are we allowing him to ski? Kayla wonders why he doesn’t stay local. He says he has to follow the snow. Kayla seems content running the ski school and teaching kids. Justin says he thinks she could do more.

Kayla gets Justin’s dad up to speed on his training. Justin’s dad is pleased they’re working together, but encourages Justin to lend a box of hair dye to Kayla. But Kayla promises to keep her beanie on. Then Justin wonders if he and Wyatt should meet Kayla and Jenny at the whatever tonight. Then they go cross country skiing. SO FUN. Somehow they are not drenched with sweat. And then they have a heart to heart instead of focusing completely on staying upright on their skis. They sit down and talk about their goals or dreams or whatever. AND ALSO WHAT ABOUT DATING KAYLA. Nothing since “Vince.” That elderly mafioso? You don’t remember him? Or no wait, he was a ski instructor there or something. Kayla tells Justin that his parents have been like parents to her and Jenny. Justin tells Kayla that all his relationships are complicated, except the one between he and his hair stylist. That one has always been easy. But enough chit chat. It’s time for opening ceremonies.

Back at the lodge, Anna fully melts down because a sponsor wants to meet him in the lobby bar. So now he’s going to be late to meet his friends. The sponsor sounds insufferable. Justin pat’s the sponsor’s head to borrow some of his hair gel. Anyway, can Justin ever come back from that injury? No one knows for sure.

Justin and Wyatt finally arrive. Wyatt and Jenny are awkward to each other. Some big ski gal, Nancy, announces the racers. And then the whole thing is over and Kayla wants him to go to sleep so they can practice the course tomorrow. Justin is elated. He rushes home to touch up his roots.

The next day, Justin races down the course in quite a smart ski suit. He did not do a good job. Justin blames the lumpy pillows at the lodge. Kayla suggests he take a break. Kayla wants him to get back to skiing for the love of it. So she gives him some nice advice…but it may not be practical because he does have a legitimate injury. Justin’s dad wonders what will get him back to fighting speed. Justin takes his helmet off and uses his emergency hair gel to quickly fix his hair.

That one skier that isn’t racing, looks longingly at Justin while he chats with Kayla. OMINOUS

That night, everyone goes to some kind of fancy event. I believe this is that auction Justin’s mom keeps talking about. Justin places some bids. Jenny and Kayla arrive. Kayla’s roots continue to grow out at an alarming rate. WHY ISN’T ANYONE DOING ANYTHING ABOUT THIS. Justin gets offended that no one is auctioning off a dinner with HIM. That little baby Hunter is auctioning off a dinner with himself and the bidding is up to $500 already! So then Kayla runs up on stage and offers a full day of hang time with Justin. Wow Justin. The EGO. Honestly. And his punishment is that he has to spend the day with a random weirdo. Justin is so pleased with himself. And then some poor lonely woman bids $3500 on him. And spoiler alert, HE NEVER FOLLOWS THROUGH ON THIS. Never hangs out with this wealthy, lonely woman.

Later, the gang sits around a fire pit in their fancy clothes. I hope the dry cleaner can get all that smoke smell out of their clothes. Justin worries the smoke will damage his hair. He can’t risk an unnecessary hair wash day. I am not paying attention to their chit chat. It’s not important.

The next morning, Justin has a heart to heart with his mom; seemingly the only person in this whole GD movie allowed to have her natural hair color. And guess what, SHE LOOKS GREAT.

So have I mentioned there’s a random carnival just like on the sidewalk near the ski hill? So that’s there. And Justin is now going to have a TV interview nearby. Kayla is going to be part of it too and she is straight up panicking. NO ONE has offered to touch up her roots or even run a comb through her hair. Instead, Justin holds her hand, but it’s no consolation.

Justin makes a joke on the air and no one laughs. It’s awkward. Then he says some nice things about Kayla. Then Kayla pipes up. Then Kayla brags on her little 12 year old racers. I do like Kayla’s coat.

Later, Kayla wears a TOTALLY DIFFERENT COAT. Frick I haven’t been keeping track of how many different coats she’s wearing. Justin talks Kayla into taking a run with him. They take a leisurely stroll down the mountain and Kayla wipes out. Then Justin wipes out. Oh we are all having a great time. They have a MOMENT. Then Kayla gets uncomfortable. Justin struggles to get up. Kayla is worried about his knee again though. So Justin’s knee really does seem to be bothering him.

Later, Jenny and Wyatt chat in the ski school office. Justin hobbles in and Wyatt scolds him for not doing physical therapy. Apparently there are no actual doctors or physical therapists around so poor med student Wyatt steps up. Jenny and Wyatt agree to go on a date.

Justin continues to hobble around the ski lodge. And then his dad stops him and wants to know about training. Justin is snippy with him. Justin’s dad scolds him for hoarding all the hair dye. Then he and his dad have a heart to heart. Justin wonders at what point an adult man should stop dying his hair blonde.

That night, Justin and Kayla hang out at the carnival. Kayla wins Justin a stuffed animal. Wyatt wins Jenny a big stuffed bear. How old are these people supposed to be? Oh no. Now they’re doing line dancing. Kayla refuses to let Justin drink any alcohol that night. Her hair looks okay. Wait, no it still doesn’t. Justin tries to get out of line dancing but it doesn’t work. He has to participate. Wait, when is he supposed to spend the day with that crazy, lonely women? Also, Justin’s parents are out line dancing. I would pay big money to see my parents line dancing. Later, the music transitions to SLOW country music. So everyone is now slowing dancing. Great.

On the walk home, Justin says he has always wanted to be with Kayla and then THEY KISS! Kayla then feels awkward and says “goodnight, sir.”

The next day in the lobby of the lodge, not-quite-a-doctor Wyatt checks Justin’s knee. Everyone seems fine with that.

Jenny and Kayla talk about VINCE and Justin. I love Kayla’s outfit. Kayla doesn’t think they should date him but she does love coaching a real grown up. But let’s forget all that for now. It’s training time.

Justin is committed to that ski suit he’s wearing. Then that fancy lady skier, Nancy, stops by and throws in her two cents about Justin’s training. Later, they are supposed to meet for dinner. Kayla is late because of work chaos. Justin confirms that they are on a date. They just chat the night away. A couple of kids stop by the table and ask for his autograph. Then a whole line forms. And Justin politely asks them to wait until he’s done eating. Then they talk about his future. He thinks maybe wants to stay there.

The next morning, Kayla and Jenny talk about what Justin said. Kayla is not sure he even means what he said. Justin talks to his dad about the race. He asks his dad when he knew it was time to quit racing. His dad talks about some special pin. I don’t care.

Nancy pulls Kayla aside to chat. I think she wants Kayla to coach Hunter because he’s kind of high maintenance. Wow that’s not where I thought that was going. Oh, no she wants Kayla to coach HER. Still, not where I thought she was going. And she would basically have to abandon Justin right before the big race.

That night, Justin looks at the stars and thinks about whether he needs to run to the store for more hair dye or if his stash is sufficient. Kayla looks at old photos in the lodge. Kayla calls Justin to chat. They decide to chat at the firepit. He wants to talk about his next chapter. He says he’s ready for the next thing! He wants a family and to ski all day and hang around the fire pit at night. That sounds lovely. Then Kayla tells him about Nancy. She says she does need to go and try it. He agrees. But then she tells him that she needs to leave before the race. Kayla thinks they can still make it work. Oh but then she says she loves him! WOW. This movie is really taking us on a wild ride. They kiss AGAIN. Is this the first time a Hallmark couple doesn’t make it?! I can’t believe it.

Kayla says her goodbyes to everyone and she asks Justin’s dad to go easy on him. Justin’s dad takes over his training.

Later, Jenny and Kayla talk about whether Kayla actually wants to take this job. Jenny reminds her that it’s not goodbye forever. And she’s probably still excited about this coaching job.

Also, is mustache waiter in THIS MOVIE AS WELL?!

So now it’s time for the big race. Hunter gives another interview and shares he is part of the “Snow Voltz” team. I think that was the sponsor that interviewed Justin earlier. So that’s a bummer. Then Justin drops a BOMB on reporters. This will be the final race of his career. Wow.

Meanwhile, Kayla gets ready to head out. Nancy is ready to crush whatever race she’s getting ready for.

Now it’s time for Justin’s race. We watch a bunch of randos head down the hill. Justin’s dad gives him a nice, encouraging speech. Hunter races down the hill. Everyone cheers. He takes the lead. Now it’s Justin’s turn. For heaven’s sake let’s get on with it. He races down the hill. Everyone is pleased with his start. The clock ticks by. He finishes the race. Did he do it? YES. He just hit a new course record! Nothing like ending on top ol Justy boy! Everyone cheers and also waves cow bells. And well, what do you know. KAYLA is there. So apparently, Nancy is going to train on Winter Mountain instead. So Kayla PASSES UP A TRIP TO ZURICH for Justin. I would have probably chose Zurich honestly. But whatever. And that’s it!

So this movie was silly as per usual but it was fun to watch. I love a good snow and ski movie. It was EERILY similar to “Taking a Shot at Love” but I guess that’s what we’re hear for, right? So yeah, I didn’t hate it but I’m also not sure where I’d rank it in the line up so far.

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