If I Only Had Christmas

Okay so tonight’s movie is the Candace Cameron one. I like her a lot but dang her last few year’s of movies have been…not my favorite. Here’s hoping she turns it around tonight! Though, this one is apparently “Wizard of Oz” inspired so I’m not optimistic. Let’s get after it.

Darcy has a big old GOOD GIRL so we’re off to a good start.

Darcy and her coworkers are at a big Christmas party. For some reason they all have to wear Santa hats. She is waiting to hear about whether she received a big annual award for…PR. She doesn’t get the award. She is basically in tears. But then, she and all her pals all an alert for an article of about big business person being a total train wreck at a particular company.

Winona, Glen’s Coworker? Wants a PR firm to come and help them improve their image. Glen does NOT like it at all. Glen is very anti PR or communications even though he is the VP of Communications. Also, spoiler alert, but I immediately assumed this guy was “Will Austen” son of George Austen, of Austen, Inc.

Back at the office, Darcy does some research. She wants to put in a pitch at Austen, Inc. They asked for them!

Darcy bakes in her MASSIVE KITCHEN. Her neighbors? siblings? and her parents come over. Wait do they just all live there? HOLY COW. So far, it’s the best Christmas house I’ve seen all year. Her…brothers? ask her how she really feels about the award. She talks with her whole family about how bummed she is about the award. And we get our first (cough) (subtle) Balsam Hill ad. They are way less aggressive than last year. Then her siblings or WHO ARE THOSE PEOPLE…suggest she do some charity work to shift her focus away from that award. Because everyone can take three weeks of unpaid time off right before Christmas! She does some research on the education trust her family suggests… and guess who is on the board? So now she has a new angle to get their business.

The next day, Darcy’s boss loves her pitch and they just sent it over without any like nuance or ANYTHING. So William and their leadership totally missed her point! She needs to give the pitch in person.

Later, Glen reluctantly takes a call from Darcy. She tries to sell him on her vision. Darcy tells Glen she was motivated by her personal connection to the Emerald trust because her family members are teachers. He becomes more intrigued and invites her to come make the pitch in person.

So Darcy decides to head to…New York? Connecticut?

Darcy and Glen inadvertently meet at her hotel bar. Darcy kind of overshares about the person she’s meeting. I think Glen is catching on. How does Darcy not consider that this person might be Glen? Oh Darcy, SHUT IT. Then Darcy gets a phone call and well, she catches up real quick. Oh Darcy. She feels very embarrassed and also got mad at him for messing with her.

Then they go to dinner. She wants to hear more about Glen. Glen tells Darcy about Emerald’s Christmas events. Darcy says the events need MORE CHRISTMAS. The Christmas Tree Farm, for example, is not Christmas-y enough.

Wait do her parents live at her house? Anyway, Bobo remains a GOOD GIRL chewing on whatever she’s chewing on.

Darcy shows up to Emerald’s HQ with four coffees. WHO ARE THOSE FOR? Then Darcy practices introduces herself to Jackie, head of Development. Why is Jackie like, sitting at the front desk then? She’s weird. Oh, is Darcy collecting people like Dorothy? So we have Jackie Crow, Dr. Bridget Tinsley, and Riley Lions. SO THERE YOU HAVE IT. What do you know, Riley doesn’t want to be on TV. Darcy runs into a little bit of a roadblock. Dr. Tinsley doesn’t want to feature any of the kids or their stories. She is very serious about their work.

Darcy and Jackie head outside. Jackie tells Darcy about the tree farm. They do the same old thing every year. Jackie suggests a Christmas maze. Well, that’s not bad. Glen comes outside to apologize to Darcy. Jackie has more good ideas. Even though she’s supposed to be “not smart” she is more like the cowardly lion. She doesn’t have any confidence in her knowledge or ideas.

Jackie, Glen and Darcy head to the tree lot and talk to the owners. Jackie shares her ideas for amping up the partnership. The tree lot doesn’t want to add flashy stuff. Jackie tells…Brian (?) that he is getting outsold by 11%. Then Jackie kind of runs out of confidence so Darcy steps in and sells him on their ideas.

Back at the office, Dr. Heartless Tinsley is a no nonsense business person. She…makes a lot of good points. She doesn’t have time for silly Christmas party nonsense. And then she gets up and leaves. But apparently she said yes to Jackie’s idea. And Darcy has MORE IDEAS.

Darcy follows Glen to lunch and wants to finalize a press release. Then she meets Winona. Winona seems to like her. But she is a NO NONSENSE BUSINESS PERSON.

Later, in a super cute headband, Darcy and Dr. Tinsley meet with a reporter. Dr. Tinsley tries to apologize for being a no nonsense business person but Darcy is like, no no. You’re just fighting for what you believe in.

Then Darcy tries to help Riley have confidence on camera. No, it can’t be confidence because that’s Jackie’s thing. So he needs bravery. He tap dances to remember what he’s supposed to say. So that should work on camera. I’m not sure where they are right now. The tree lot? Glen stops by to check on her. Glen tells Darcy about his bummer of a childhood. Glen shares that his one family tradition was opening a book on Christmas Eve. I do love that. Then Darcy tells him that her mom died when she was in college. So that other lady is Emma, her dad’s second wife. Then Brian (?) the tree lot owner says that their Santa cancelled! DISASTER.

Back at the office, Glen asks his assistant to find a replacement Santa. Then the tree lot festivities start! Well that’s cute. The maze is Christmas lights. Glen and Darcy run right into each other inside. They are lost. They use some Wizard of Oz dialogue and then finally make it out. Then Darcy realizes that Santa made it! Darcy is touched that Glen found a Santa. Then Darcy seems…sad? Maybe? She calls home. They are STILL decorating that tree! She just misses her family I guess. Somehow Emma has EAGLE EYES and spots Glen behind her. So then Darcy hangs up abruptly.

Darcy and Glen walk and talk, but Glen doesn’t want to talk about work. NOT IN FRONT OF SANTA, DARCY. He is more obsessed with Santa than any person I’ve ever met.

Darcy and Glen chat with Riley at the…dance studio. Darcy is like, okay give me your television speech RIGHT NOW. Riley is definitely over his stage fright. In fact, he’s become downright insufferable. Then he walks Darcy through a few dance moves. Also is Riley wearing lip gloss? Then Glen ropes Darcy and Riley into participating in the pageant I think?

Winona arrives at the studio. She asks Glen to explain himself. Winona does not like any of this. Glen has to give Winona a talking to.

That night, Glen and Darcy talk about Winona and the foundation. Glen says he was adopted at ten so this foundation for helping at risk kids is close to his heart. Darcy tells Glen she wants to move to New York because she feels she has something to prove.

After dinner, Glen and Darcy get hot chocolate. Glen says they are considering expanding Austen Inc to a mid-size city. Darcy admits she’s a little homesick. Then Glen says he has a little taste of home for her. He made her a snickerdoodle with her initial on it. Well that’s pretty dang sweet. They both say it tastes good, which makes my husband irate because he can see from the couch that the cookie’s edges are too crispy. THAT’S NOT HOW A SNICKERDOODLE SHOULD BE, he yells at the television.

The next day, Jackie says the venue they booked for the pageant was double booked. I can’t believe this type of thing happens that much in real life, but boy does it happen in nearly every Hallmark movie. They start panicking. Darcy suggests combining the pageant and the gala!!! A pageant and gala all in one!! Jackie suggests asking William Austen speak.

The four of them decide to ask William in person. They march arm in arm all the way through the lobby of Austen, Inc. There is a gold stripe all the way up to the front desk. The assistant is like, oh that’s cute. Make an appointment. Glen and Winona see them in the lobby. Winona likes their idea and asks to speak with Darcy privately. Not even Glen gets to stay!

Winona is like, you know William would never do this right? Then Winona gives Darcy a TALKING TOO. She thinks Darcy used all this foundation stuff to go around her to try and get the PR contract. But then the foundation crew barge in and are like, this is messed up! And it wasn’t her idea! How does no one at Austen, Inc. not know any of them, they wonder? But probably because he’s just one of several people on the board of this foundation?

After all of…THAT, Glen catches up to Darcy. He’s like, what WAS all that? Darcy is very proud of herself. Glen asks what Darcy would tell William if she could meet him. She tells him that he needs to be transparent as a leader. Then Glen says they aren’t going to use her firm for their PR but he will try and get her a meeting with William.

Oh dear, now we have to watch the kids at pageant practice. Riley finally gives his big TV speech IN A SWEATSHIRT. RILEY WHAT! Then Riley and Darcy practice their dance. The strap on Darcy’s shoe snaps off.

At work, Glen’s assistant offers to buy Darcy a new pair of dance shoes. She knows Glen likes Darcy! Later, Darcy and Glen meet to… I guess just hang out at her hotel bar. Glen says he’s very close to his work family. He says his wife and kids don’t talk to him. She’s like WHAT. Ha. Because they don’t exist.

Then Darcy picks up a package from the front desk. They are outrageously red glittery shoes. I know they have to be but dang.

It’s Christmas Gala/Pageant time. Brave little Riley gives a speech to kick it off. Then it’s dance time. This is weird, right? They are dancing to kids singing Jolly Old Saint Nicholas and just the piano playing. It doesn’t make any sense to dance to this song. They aren’t even dancing to the beat. Literally no other song? Wait and was that the whole pageant?

Later, Glen asks Darcy to dance. They talk about…I don’t know. Who cares. Darcy tries to talk Glen into making a speech on behalf of the company. He agrees. He gives her a kiss on the cheek. Glen gives his speech. He shares the story of his childhood and how good teachers helped him. Then he introduces the little band of helpers. And then he thanks Darcy too. Then he announces to all these people who don’t care, that Darcy will be doing all the company’s PR work going forward. Oh and guess what? He is William Austen. Darcy walks out kind of in tears. Glen/William tries to explain himself. She says the person she met these last few weeks is worth knowing but she will refer the work to the New York office. I feel maybe she could be a bit more understanding.

Darcy drinks coffee outside with her GOOD GIRL back at home. Then she pours a BIG OLD GLASS OF WINE. Then the whole crew arrives to say hello. Her parents tell her they saw the speech. They kind of wonder what her problem is. Fell for THAT Darcy? or HIM!!! If you can’t take the heat, girl, get out of the kitchen.

The next day, the foundation crew video chats with her to talk to her about turning down her dream job. Dr. Tinsley gives her a nice pep talk. They all give her some ideas and good advice.

Back at the office, Glen/William and Winona talk. She says his dad would be proud. Winona says that Glen needs to win Darcy back. She needs to do their PR and also date William because that will end well! WIN HER BACK DUMMY! Then she tells him to fly…so maybe she should take a little break.

William shows up AT HER HOUSE! IN KANSAS. He gives her a nice speech. Darcy is like, so this is super great but my family will be here any minute so you have to leave. And then they all show up. And Emma of course, has NO CHILL. Neither does Bobo. She immediately plops herself on his lap. BECAUSE SHE’S THE BEST GIRL. Darcy’s brother sidles right up to him and starts showing him pictures on his phone. So finally Darcy takes him outside and they talk SOME MORE. Darcy says she wants to stay in Kansas. Well there was talk about a second headquarters. And they need a new VP of Communications. And then they KISS. But wait, isn’t he going to be her boss? So she can’t start dating him AND accept a job at his company right? I feel that no one has thought this part through at all. But it’s Hallmark so we know it will work out just fine. WOULD DEF WATCH them trying to like date and also have him be her manager though.

So, this one was better than I thought. Some of the dialogue was…not great. They tried super hard to use a lot of Wizard of Oz lingo too. And I was confused about the relationship between this foundation and Austen, Inc. I thought William was just one member of a board of directors. But it seemed like Emerald was actually like the company’s charitable foundation towards the end. I also don’t understand the world of PR so some of this seemed silly there too. But, it was much better than say, “A Shoe Addict’s Christmas?” So there’s that. Let’s see how it scored. Total score: 6/20!

  1. Clumsy Meet Cute
  2. Christmas Pageant
  3. Christmas Gala
  4. Christmas Baking
  5. Christmas puns
  6. Nonsense drama

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